A Work In Progress: How to Love Yourself

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One of the things that I’ve learned over the years and probably one of the most important things when it comes to any type of relationship, is to love yourself first. Unfortunately, most of us learn this the hard way. Honestly though, you need to take into consideration that in order to be the best possible person for someone else, you need to be the best possible person for yourself.
womenwhochangedamerica-lucille-ball-1Lucille Ball said it best, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
Confidence is the backbone of loving yourself. You have to not only believe that you are capable, but, you have to know as well. Understand your flaws and focus on your strengths. Never, ever beat yourself up because of mistakes you’ve made. Acknowledge them, then move on. Mistakes are the basis for lessons and everyone makes them. Instead, determine the areas in which you show strength and utilize it. Know your value and share it with others.
It’s extremely easy to get caught up in the cycle of negativity. Fight back.
“Most of us would be shocked if we could hear a tape recording of our inner dialogue. We would see just how many times a day we judge or criticize ourselves harshly. Sometimes we treat ourselves far worse than we could imagine treating someone else.
To start building self esteem, first listen to how you talk to yourself. You first have to be aware of a situation before you can change it.”
The next time you feel yourself falling into the negativity cycle, take these steps:
  • Be on alert for inner negativity.
  • Scan back to when you first started feeling that way.
  • Zero in on what you told yourself about yourself at that point – the thought that triggered the negativity.
  • Call up your best friend aspect and let him/her love you.
  • Drink in the love, encouragement and support from this aspect of yourself.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is to compare yourself or your situation with others. It’s unhealthy and you have to come to terms withphoto(23) the fact that everyone is fighting a battle, but most at different times. Social media plays a big part in comparison. People tend to mention only the positive things they have going on in their lives, while neglecting to talk about the negative. While this is fine for the person sharing, you may feel inadequate because you’re not experiencing anything positive at the moment.
“No person is better or worse than another. We all came with different growth assignments for this lifetime. Consequently, we all have different areas of mastery as well as different areas that are steep learning curves. As you learn how to love yourself, don’t be fooled by how someone else appears.”
Loving yourself is not easy. I’m not even there yet. But, it’s something you work at and progress shows. By loving yourself, you allow people to love the real you and are able to provide support and service to those who need it most.
Six things you must remember while in the process of loving yourself:
1. Be kind to yourself.

You may have hurts, emotional pain, and shortcomings. Learn to accept yourself, shortcomings and all, even if your family and previous partners may have berated you about your inadequacies.

We tend to be harsh on ourselves, often because the people who were supposed to love us were unusually cruel and heartless to us. We hear their non-stop chatter in our minds and our beings.

Focus on your many positive qualities. Focus on your strengths, your abilities, and your admirable traits. Let go of harsh judgments, comparisons to others, and self-hatred.

When you can see yourself as the soulful and divinely inspired person you are, the damaging internal dialogue doesn’t hold up.

Be gentle with yourself.

il_570xN.440700484_2nfh2. Feel the love within you and be that love.

You may experience both self-hatred andself-love. Spend more time focusing on self-love.

Try loving and positive affirmations. Nourish your soul through a love-kindness meditation or spiritual practices that help you feel compassion and love toward yourself.

Once you feel vibrations of self-love or the peace of positive affirmations, try to be in that place of love throughout your day.

Infuse this love with your interactions with others in your life.

3. Give yourself a break.

You’re not perfect. No one is. You don’t have to be at the top of your game every day. No one is happy all the time. No one loves themselves always. No one lives without pain.

Be willing to embrace your imperfections and excuse your bad days. Don’t set such high standards for yourself emotionally and mentally. It’s normal to feel sadness and pain and to hit some low points in life.

Allow yourself to embrace these emotions without judging yourself for them.

4. Embrace yourself.

Are you content being alone by yourself without feelings of anxiety, fear, and judgment?

You may have to go within and seek solace in yourself to be comfortable in your own skin. Practice moments of alone time and be aware of how you treat yourself.

Learn to embrace solitude and allow yourself to be mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself.

The process of self-discovery can happen through the process of clinical therapy or counseling. This healing process can help you discover who you are and what your obstacles to loving yourself are.

In the alternative, periods of introspection, silent meditations, journaling, and sharing your feelings with supportive friends may help you be more aware of who you are.

The process of loving yourself starts with understanding your true nature.

It took a combination of meditation, therapy,writing, and silence to come to terms with my past and my present. Only once I realized I wasn’t loving myself could I attempt to change that.

5. Be grateful.photo(24)

Rhonda Byrne, author of The Magic, shares with us a powerful way to change all of our relationships and our life.

Byrne encourages us to practice gratefulness and regularly count our blessings.

“When you’re grateful for the things you have, no matter how small they may be, you will see those things instantly increase,” Byrne says.

She includes 28 practices for 28 days of your life to help you feel gratitude more deeply. Her initial practice is a formula to count your blessings.

She encourages you to write out the following sentence for 10 items you’re grateful for everyday.

“I am truly blessed to have ____________________________, because __________________(why?)_____________.”

You will immediately start loving yourself more when you realize all the things you’re grateful for in your life.

6. Give yourself in service to others.

When you think about kindness toward others and being love to others, you open the door to divine love.

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” ~Rabindranath Tagore

Yes, giving to others is a gift of love you can often give yourself which brings you more love.

When you’re being kind, considerate, compassionate, and giving of yourself, your soul will rejoice. You’ve reached the highest level of self-love in this state of serving others.

Find ways to do small and large tasks to assist those living in your house, neighborhood, or community. Practice conscious acts of kindness and giving.

The love you’re sharing with others in the form of service will help you feel more love and fulfillment in your life.

You’ll realize you don’t need someone else to feel complete any longer. You’re complete.

A relationship will only make you shine brighter and bring more love in your life.”

*Well Being Alignment, Tiny Buddha

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